


i would've loved you for a lifetime

by comfortcharacters



Series: evermore collection [6]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, M/M, i kind of just rated this t to be safe but it's probably g
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28164687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comfortcharacters/pseuds/comfortcharacters
Summary: Five times Eiji felt happiness with Ash, and one time he felt happiness afterwards.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Series: evermore collection [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053434
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	i would've loved you for a lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is (loosely) based on taylor swift's "happiness"

Eiji arrived in America ready to renounce his dreams and start anew. He was under no illusions about his life: his career as a pole vaulter was over, his family (though supportive) was too preoccupied with their own issues for Eiji to come to them for comfort, and his greatest opportunity for fulfillment (as Ibe gently reminded him on the plane ride over) came from pursuing new opportunities and “living life a little.”

Living life a little apparently meant arriving in a foreign country and immediately going deep into the heart of its biggest city to interview street gangs, but Eiji wasn’t complaining. 

He had never so much as held a professional camera before, so when Ibe handed him one worth thousands of dollars and teasingly warned him not to drop it, Eiji knew the night would snatch him right out of his comfort zone. Eiji wasn’t much of a drinker in the best of times, making any bar look intimidating to him, but the sight of gruff-looking men surrounding him and Ibe upon their entrance was enough to frazzle his already high-strung nerves. 

A young boy, far braver than either of them, smiled up at them welcomingly and brought them inside. His easy familiarity in that environment somewhat unnerved Eiji, and he had to severely suppress the desire to protect him. (As Eiji continued avoiding eye contact with all the bar’s patrons out of pure terror, he admitted to himself that Skip was the protector here.)

They came into a room, and Eiji avoided more questioning glances. Skip made introductions, pure wonder laced in his voice at the new arrivals. The wide smile never left his face, and he made Eiji want to smile, too.

That is, until Eiji locked eyes with the intense blonde American leaning over the billiards table. 

Eiji’s eyebrows shot up. He knew the gang leader they were interviewing was meant to be seventeen, but this leader’s face ( _Ash,_ he reminded himself) told of stories that far exceeded seventeen.

 _Seriously,_ Eiji thought as he set up his equipment and watched Ash enjoy a beer so nonchalantly, despite being underage, _how am I older than him?_

Eiji wanted to know him, maybe even dare to understand him. He didn’t think he wanted anything so strongly in a long time.

He asked to hold his gun and couldn’t bring himself to regret it, even as the entire bar silenced in shock and watched for Ash’s response with bated breath, even as Ibe watched on in horror, even as Eiji felt his own heart pound in trepidation. 

When Ash accepted, Eiji’s relief felt revolutionary. 

***

Eiji didn’t know what visiting someone in a prison would entail, but he wasn’t prepared for the austerity of American prisons, for the bleak walls and blank stares that met him as he made his way through security and toward the visitor’s center. 

It seemed like a waste to let Ash’s vibrancy stay hidden in a place like this. 

They had only known each other for a short time, but Eiji was prepared for anything when it came to saving Ash. He scared himself with his own intensity, so unlike the boy he was when he left Japan, so markedly different from the passive newcomer he felt like upon arriving to America. 

Whatever he lacked in skill, he more than made up for in sheer enthusiasm. (And fear. Debilitating, soul-crushing fear. He looked at Ash’s face, imagined never seeing it again, and felt that he had the power to do anything, just to prevent that from happening.)

Eiji liked to think he could read situations well, giving him ample time to prepare for all scenarios and keep himself sane in the process. But when Ash’s hand slowly came up to caress the side of Eiji’s face and a fierce blush overtook his cheeks, Eiji realized that staying ahead of Ash’s actions was impossible. 

Eiji happily accepted the unknown. 

***

Eiji stayed awake. He was never an insomniac, not before, but now he closed his eyes to welcome sleep and saw all the horrors and the fears that he was always too afraid to acknowledge outright in the daytime. He always remained calm to stay strong for Ash, who never hesitated to be strong for Eiji when he went out on his nightly missions. Eiji’s body was now attuned to Ash’s, knowing that sleep cannot come unless Ash was in the bed right beside him, unless Eiji can roll over and see his disarrayed bedhead splayed out like a curtain on the pillowcase. 

Waiting for Ash felt like an eternity. Eiji’s mind was running rampant, conjuring up a laundry list of potential terrors that Ash could’ve encountered, when he finally heard the lock turn in the door, finally tore his gaze away from the bedroom window. He looked into the hallway and saw blonde hair emerge out of the shadows. Eiji breathed a sigh of relief that he didn’t know he was holding in and motioned for Ash to join him. Ash smiled at him gently and attempted to mask his slight limp as he walked over to Eiji’s bed, gingerly sitting on the edge before moving closer to lay in Eiji’s lap. They sat in silence as Eiji ran his hands through Ash’s hair and coaxed out the tremors that Ash’s body was holding in, comforting him with actions when words failed him. 

He didn’t think he could love him more than he loved him in that moment.

***

Despite the practice that came with the many months that Eiji spent in America, his hands still shook when he held a gun, unused to the heavy weight and implications that came with its power. This time, Eiji knew he couldn’t afford to hesitate. He knew he couldn’t afford to be a helpless weight on all the guys, the weakest link in an otherwise cohesive team.

His gun was trained on Dino, but his eyes kept shifting over to Ash. Ash, who couldn’t see him, who couldn’t do anything to save himself, but had done everything to save Eiji. Ash, who had accepted his cursed fate and began to die from it in a futile effort to protect Eiji. 

He thought he could save Eiji from the life that Eiji had willingly thrown himself into. Eiji wanted nothing more than to save Ash instead. His heart flooded relentlessly with joy when he imagined whisking Ash away from New York, taking him back to Izumo, showing him all the wonders of his hometown and all the beauty in its serenity. 

(Eiji fired the gun, willing for it to be a fatal shot. 

He missed.) 

***

Eiji taught Ash like it was a promise, a promise for a life that they deserved to have. He saw learning Japanese as confirmation of Ash’s ability to escape the destiny that awaited him in New York, as if language acquisition was the last step in an otherwise flawless plan to leave America. 

Eiji heard Ash laugh, loud and uninhibited and _real_ , and he laughed along. For just a brief moment, they were nothing more than two teenagers in love.

(He didn’t realize, at least not yet, just how much “sayonara” sounds like a promise, too.)

***

Seven years later, Eiji displays Ash’s photo in his exhibit. Sing’s comforting weight stays by his side as he throws an arm over Eiji’s shoulder, reminding him that the burden of grief is not his alone to carry. Through tear-stained glasses, Eiji raises his shaky hands to caress the photo. 

He smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> i know this song is about cheating, but here i am, making it about death


End file.
